The different faces of anxiety

We've all had moments of anxiety, for example the build up to a job interview or waiting on some health results. It's a natural response to stressful or potentially threatening situations. But sometimes it can feel excessive and overwhelming, and for some it becomes a regular part of life.

When I first sat down to write this, I had the intention of talking about different symptoms, showing how anxiety can present in the mind and body. But it shows up in different ways in different people and can actually feel very personal and specific to each individual. I wanted to share something more personal that would bring it to life. Something that shows the many faces of anxiety. Something that you might relate to. So I'm going with a blog that feels a little different to my usual approach and starting off by telling you a bit about what anxiety feels like for me...

I get a feeling in my stomach. It feels tight, like there's something big being contained in there - I don't know what it is but sometimes it feels like I'm having to do a lot to keep it from exploding. Sometimes it travels up and takes over my chest too. I also get it in my head and neck. It can feel like a pressure is building there. I clench my jaw or grind my teeth. And if the pressure feels too much I can get tearful.

Mentally I have this underlying feeling that something bad has or will happen. Most often I don't actually have an idea of what that is, it's just a general feeling. I guess this is what influences how my body responds, because it's like I'm in a state of hyper-alert.

One of the things I find most useful is to actually recognise that what I'm experiencing is anxiety. Naming it and identifying where I feel it in my body helps me to take the sting out of it, enabling me to think more rationally about my current situation. I also find it helps to do grounding and meditation exercises and to remind myself that I'm OK in this moment. If it's something specific I'm worried about, I try to focus on what's within my control and try to let go of things outside my control. Often that can just mean focusing on self-care and finding ways to keep calm. And once I've calmed down I find I'm more able to think straight and notice where some of my thoughts might have been the result of over-thinking.

So what are the other faces of anxiety? I asked some friends what it feels like for them. With their permission I am sharing their stories...

Anxiety for me can range from niggling self-doubt and stress to severe rage and impulsivity. As a child, I used to bite the skin on my fingers until they bled - which at the time I didn't realize was part of anxiety, nor did I understand that it was a type of self harm - it took many years before I stopped and found more helpful methods of coping.

I would say I now present with 'high functioning' anxiety and many people don't know how much time I spend replaying conversations, over analysing situations, 'catastrophising' or feeling severely irritable and self-critical. I've also had periods of chest pain and teeth clenching (mostly at night, causing jaw ache and cracked teeth) but thankfully not as many of the physical symptoms. I have sisters who also suffer from anxiety and we all represent it differently and with varying impact on our day to day lives. Fortunately, exercise, breathing exercises and mindfulness help me manage mine but at times it does take over and requires more self-care and support.

Anxiety for me takes many forms and starts in different ways. It can be a situation where it comes on suddenly. And my signs are my IBS is bad, and I can feel my heart rate going. Coping mechanisms for that type is easier for me as it’s triggered by quite trivial things like being late, missing a train, stuck in traffic, presenting, walking into a room full of people, etc.

The longer burn anxiety is harder to manage. That’s borne from always feeling that I haven’t done enough, being criticised (or bad situation) over a period of time. I feel like I want to run away, hide. I’m not good enough. Whatever I say isn’t right, which gives me huge anxiety when I am talking in a situation. I feel shaky, I can’t eat. I can’t stop talking about it.

Prolonged anxiety is awful, as it continues and you start forgetting how you were. And feel like you’ve become a ‘worrier’. Worry about unrelated things. Worry if you take lunch after saying you’re so busy at work and that people think you are lying. So you don’t take lunch. Appetite becomes less and less. Anxiety like this needs to be stopped in its tracks.

For me, anxiety is exhausting. The never stopping of my brain. The overthinking of everything. It's like feeling all the feelings all the time.

I went through a stage of having extreme anxiety and panic disorder in which my body went into a freeze response. For a short time I would hyperventilate and often cry - because I was scared of what was happening to me and was about to happen. Once I reached panic stage, I would always have an urge to squeeze into a small space - on the floor by a bookcase, in a space on the floor next to the settee. My heart rate would drop, my muscles would stiffen, and a feeling of being detached would come over me. All my senses felt overwhelming - I couldn't have my eyes open and breathe, it was too much.

When the initial panic began to pass, if I moved too soon, the whole cycle would start again.

This could be triggered by something as simple as receiving unexpected post.

Over the years I have tried many things to better understand and manage anxiety. And I think it is important to realise that different approaches may work at different times. When my anxiety was extreme, I took medication to help manage my mental health, but I always felt that was a sticking plaster to get me to a little bit of a better place to deal with the real issue.

I have had many hours of talking therapies over the years which has been a vital step on my journey. For therapy to be helpful, I think you have to find a therapist you work well with, and you need to have a belief - even a small one - that you can change for the better.

After talking through a lot of my past and negative thinking habits, I got better.

For me, attending a meditation and study group has helped me to maintain a calmer and more accepting approach to life. I occasionally feel anxious, but wouldn't say I suffer with anxiety. And I remind myself that is ok to have an off day.

I believe our true nature as humans is to be kind, wise, and compassionate. Our natural state is to be calm with a sense of loving-kindness. And that core is always there and always present and accessible. Sometimes we follow our thoughts or emotions and believe them to be something solid, when really they are transient and can come and go.

Our true, kind nature is like the sun - it is always there and always shining. We can sometimes get caught in the confusion of anxiety, negative emotions and habits, and these can seem to shroud that nature like clouds in the sky - but the sun keeps shining.

We are the sun, our thoughts and emotions - however difficult they may seem - are just the passing weather.

What's your anxiety story?

Take some time to reflect on your own anxiety. What does it feel like? Pause and notice what happens in your body. What thoughts tend to show up in those moments? By tuning into these sensations and patterns, you can learn to recognise anxiety in the moment, rather than letting it silently shape your day.

So what’s your anxiety story? You could write it down, share it with a close friend, or simply take a moment to sit with it. It’s yours to tell.